Bella’s story

An introduction to Miles’ love letter “The worst week of our lives”

Written by Bella 12/10/2024 - I reflect on Miles and I’s love every day. But, the challenge of putting our relationship into writing is that it portrays Miles’s life, which is indescribable. It is difficult to situate him and I because our love pushes everything out of the way and transports me. It is a shape shifting void where my memories reconfigure so beautifully that my saliva becomes sweet to the taste as I envision. The only thing that Miles and I did not share was a last name. Though we agreed that I’d like to keep mine, two Aunt Isabella’s actually are enough for one family. Our love story continues as I truly believe every miracle that has found me since Miles transformed from matter to spirit is his way of taking care of me to this day. Being back at dance and employed as an intuitive healer with a soon-to-be graduate philosophy dissertation feels like Miles’s dreams for me for this point in time. Miles gave his life, love, spirit, consciousness — his everything — to me.

Miles and I met in a dance class. Miles commuted every weekday (thank you Laura, Izzy, David,those who made the drive) to attend an arts program in Santa Rosa despite living a block away from a high school in Petaluma. The serendipitous odds that brought me to him factored in our favor eminently. At that first dance meeting, freshman year, I sat directly across from Miles in a circle of our peers. Everything besides Miles’s glowing self was a swirl of unimportance. I did not care to remember any other sights or sounds from that first day of the rest of my life. Across from me was the most beautiful human being — by that age I had the privilege of seeing sculptures and paintings from the European continent and Central America — and none of that art was as devastatingly bewitching as the boy before my eyes. Miles is a masterpiece, body and soul, for every detail is swatched with love.

When it was his turn to speak up, Miles established himself somewhat as a rebel, and with daring comedic flair, though you could see right into that golden heart of his. You could stop to admire your own reflection on its brilliant surface and many did… I loved Miles the moment I came into his life, and I have loved him with every breath since. I know it is not possible to understand a person at first sight. Certainly, there is lust at first sight. How can you love someone when you have no understanding of them? But, as I held Miles’s gaze that hour, something inside of me told me that it did not matter where life would take me with Miles, it said “Love Him.” “Love Him” through it all and then I might understand. To simply love Miles is something I know anyone can attest to. He is a joy to be around (though he had his pains). But, to be close to Miles is the greatest gift I received, a gift that he gave to me.

On the day we met, the room could have actually been spinning because my focus was fixed on the angel staring back at me. Nothing else mattered. It was as if we were already asking each other questions, searching for the answer in one another's expressive eyes, and studying the face we’d both hope to see before falling asleep. We could feel the super-universal-connector attracting two souls together despite our young minds and bodies that would try to tell us who we were. Miles would tell me I was meant for him, but things like that go over your head sometimes… Believe people when they say heartfelt words, because one day it is all you hear and it's the truth. Miles had prophetic vision which carried throughout our time together, and I grew to understand that capacity of his and trust it. Once, a fourteen-year-old looked me in the eyes and promised “I will love you until the day I die.” What young man thinks like this? Unless, you are Miles Walter Kintz, that is, and the words you say are strung together on a heart string spun from your whole chest, blessing and adorning those around you in protection charms meant to last a lifetime.

At the end of that first dance class, Miles approached me to say, “What are you doing right now?” From that interaction on, Miles has been my life. I stayed hellbent. There is nothing that would stop me from loving this man. I could be searching my way in darkness and find Him. Even in the eras of being separate, Miles never, even for an instant, left my heartspace. Miles taught me to love beyond proximity, beyond time itself, and showed me love as an eternal temple. His absences from my life strengthened my true love, and prepared me to love him not for what he does but for who he truly is. Miles connected people to other living things and natural world through his need to experience all of nature. Forevermore, a patch of wild flowers grows on my heart where Miles and I return, over and over again, to rest softly.

Context for “The Worst Week of Our Lives” can be summarized as a difficult time when Miles had fled everyone to be on his own. We were fourteen. It came close to three weeks in which Miles disappeared from life. When I returned to Miles’s side as his partner in life and love he gave me this letter. It was not until we were about twenty that he told me his truth about being institutionalized during those lost weeks and the humbling revelations that followed. When Miles the Human died, Miles the Guardian Angel was born. But, Miles actually is an angel that walked among us and we already loved him then. The night before his passing, I saw with my naked eye the glow of prisms underneath his skin. Miles literally shined, as if life allowed me to perceive his true nature. For those few moments that I beheld Miles’s glow, that same voice which said “Love Him” resounded with the message “Forever.” I fell in love with an angel.

~ From Bella to the love of my life ~ Thank you for giving me the power to tell our story this time. I hold onto the you I knew before you even met me. I have the patience of a million suns existing to burst, I love you Miles.